Grade school confidential

Carrot Top offers up vulgar humor about bodily functions and castration

By Skylaire Alfvegren - Dallas Observer: Published: March 12, 1998

When Bradford encourages Edison to put his own inventions on the market before testing them, you know there's a rat afoot, and he's wearing a power suit. Sabotage, romance, twists of fate ensue; good triumphs over evil, end of story.

Lately it seems as though every stand-up comic to finagle his own cable special has become movie material. Delusional filmmakers construct a movie around the comic's shtick and expect their humor to magically translate to the big screen. This does not always work. (Again, think of Pauly Shore and Denis Leary.)

Pee-Wee Herman is sorely missed, especially when you compare his comic genius (on the big and little screens) with something like this. Carrot Top is no Pee-Wee; he's more a young Gallagher. Though thankfully, no one ever cast Gallagher as Mr. Mom or Tootsie.

And Carrot Top is rather frightening (we're not even talking hair here). He possesses one of the rubberiest faces this side of Aerosmith's lead singer, speaks at ear-shattering volume, and molests all within view with his weird, lascivious facial expressions.

Chairman of the Board, though, is not a total loss. Visually, the film is scrumptious, vibrant, a cartoon come to life. First-time director Alex Zamms has a background in cartooning; it shows in the animated, unreal scenarios and psychedelic scenery drenched in orange fake fur, plastic gewgaws, and stuffed animals.

There is some swell character acting as well. Larry Miller as the loathsome, yuppie nephew matches Dabney Coleman's performance in 9 to 5 for sheer greed-head putrescence. The board members are particularly amusing, especially the senile biz-man caricature of Freemont (M. Emmett Walsh).

The bright colors and the poo jokes might draw kids for a while, but even they'll be put off by the film's humor eventually. But they'll have to stay home and play Street Fighter anyway, as Chairman has a PG-13 rating. Who will this appeal to? Teenagers will groan, and it's too roll-your-eyes dopey for any adult who's not a divorced parent padding out weekend visitation with the kids. It's straight to late-night cable for this stinker. Let's hope Carrot Top fares better with fellow nutcase Don Rickles in the upcoming Dennis the Menace II.

Chairman of the Board.
Directed by Alex Zamm. Written by Al Septien, Turi Meyer, and Zamm. Starring Carrot Top, Courtney Thorne-Smith, and Larry Miller.

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